Building a happy life

It is impossible to condense in one article (or even in a hundred) all the research in psychology, philosophy, neuroscience... on happiness. Researcher Sonja Lyubomirski has done some beautiful work on the subject. In "A How of Happiness", she condenses all her research.

This book is one of the books that changed my life the most, because I learned two really important lessons: building a happy life must be an active undertaking, and external circumstances have little impact on one's well-being.

According to Lyubomirski, our overall well-being is defined by :

• 50% by genetic factors and our cultural baggage (we can't change them anymore);
• 40% by our behavior and attitude (we can change them);
• 10% by external circumstances (we can change them).

Caution : Lyubomirski is a researcher in positive psychology, therefore she does not talk about depression, which can obviously be influenced quite greatly by external circumstances.

What is striking is that external circumstances have little influence on our overall happiness. As long as we are financially secure, earning millions doesn't actually make us much happier than earning a decent salary. Even worse: we now know that materialistic values are associated with a lower level of happiness. This is partly due to a phenomenon that is still too little known to the general public nowadays.

Hedonic adaptation : the hidden force that governs our lives

However, hedonic adaptation is a phenomenon well known to researchers today: when something positive happens in one's life, one gets used to it. This process has been measured in lottery winners, for example: after one year, their level of well-being is roughly equivalent to the level before the event. Research also illustrates this phenomenon in relation to the weather: moving to a city where the weather is much better affects our well-being only temporarily.

Hedonic adaptation has a pernicious consequence: dissatisfaction. If we are not careful, we get used to the new comforts of life fairly quickly.
In my mental model, I therefore prefer to think thatto be rich is to live below one's means, and to enjoy it. It is much more profitable to train ourselves to live as poorly as possible, because it increases our overall happiness (we get used to it) and moreover, it gives us greater freedom (less need to earn money).

When I talk about hedonic adaptation, my interlocutors find this phenomenon rather depressing: what's the point of running after something if it doesn't make us happy? On the contrary, it's great news :
it simply means that a happy life doesn't just happen by chance at some point in life, at a time when you've reached your goals. Living happily is a business. It requires actively rebuilding one's life around certain axes.

 But if circumstances do nothing, what do we do?

Ever since I discovered positive psychology - the science that deals with happiness - I feel that many people make profound mistakes in their life choices. They pursue certain goals and hope that this will make them happier automatically. But we now know that this strategy is not effective.

The beauty of the thing is that Lyubomirski gives us the strategies that allow us to live more serenely. She has defined 6 areas of improvement that make people happier in the long term :

• feel/express gratitude and think positively (Nothing's too bad, after all)
• get involved in relationships
• managing stress and trauma
• live in the present
• set goals
• take care of yourself

Read this book as it presents exercises for each of the areas for improvement. It is not advisable to try to improve everything at once, it is better to concentrate on one axis at a time. But living according to these priorities is probably a good way to become happier little by little.

And at the societal level, what do we do?

What I find strange is that it's obvious to me that making its citizens happier should be a nation's main goal. And yet, the three priorities of the French are, in order: purchasing power, lower unemployment and lower taxes.
Meanwhile, mental illness costs €80 billion a year (more than France's public deficit) and depression among 18-75 year olds has increased by more than 20% between 2010 and 2017.

Critical thinking means evaluating data to build theories and arrive at the right conclusions. French people's priorities are material. I don't know if it's due to polls, media hype... Or if they are really the main concerns of the French. In any case, nothing seems to show that we are happier than twenty years ago when we are much richer (our GDP has almost doubled). In terms of critical thinking, we're not there yet.

*PS: Some general rules:

• spend quality time with your friends, be honest and open to live intense and true discussions...
• building communities and spending a lot of time with other people, caring for friends.
• pay attention to your thoughts: be aware of those moments when you are thinking and stop.
• meditate, contemplate and marvel as much as possible.
• spend time in nature.
• avoid passive entertainment (#netflix), enjoy boredom.
• live modestly.
• Choose well compatible life goals.
  (I won't be able to have a fulfilling career and an ascetic lifestyle and a family life at the same time).
• to learn, to grow and to remain curious.
• love.

These rules, I modify and transgress them constantly (beware of moralism), but they help me.
Above all, I remain vigilant. Sometimes I find myself envying a status, wanting new things... It is very important to notice these thoughts and to attenuate them. It's a constant challenge.