{"id":549,"date":"2019-05-19T20:14:08","date_gmt":"2019-05-19T18:14:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/coolstorybro.fr\/?p=549"},"modified":"2020-02-05T11:15:11","modified_gmt":"2020-02-05T10:15:11","slug":"sortir-de-sa-cage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/coolstorybro.fr\/en\/sortir-de-sa-cage\/","title":{"rendered":"Getting out of one' s cage"},"content":{"rendered":"
Warning<\/span> : <\/em>I do not want to play the personal development coach with this article. I'm not saying that everything is possible when you really want it. I'm not saying that getting out of your comfort zone is the sure path to happiness. It's not true. <\/strong>  <\/strong> The great philosopher Damso said, \"I've come to understand that life is just one way of looking at things.<\/em>\"\nAnd in this article, I just wanted to warn about the need to take a step back from your own way of looking at things.<\/pre>\n
Jo is a \"paint mixer\" in a large DIY store in the United States. Every day, Jo performs the same tasks alone. When he goes to work in the morning, Jo's got a tummy ache. In the evening he slumps down on his couch and watches TV to decompress. In short: Jo suffers.
\nYet nothing holds him back : no children, no credit to pay back... And he has a dream : to buy a fishing hut in Florida to become a fishing guide.  The worst thing is that he can afford it.
\nWhy doesn't Jo quit her job to make her dream come true?<\/p>\n
Jo built his own cage.<\/h5>\n
Jo's life is chronicled in a wonderful book (it's in my crucial books<\/a>) : Lost Connections<\/em>, by Johann Harri. The author talks in depth about depression. A pandemic of depression is ravaging our society (I'm talking about it here<\/a>), yet it is hardly mentioned in the public debate.
\nHarri does not deny the biological origins of depression. Simply, after extensive research, he has come to the conclusion that depression is amplified by the way our society functions.<\/p>\n
When a human being is depressed, it is not necessarily for biological reasons, it can also be for psychological or social reasons. Although this fact is well known in the medical community, Harri explains that antidepressants are often prescribed by default by therapists, even though they are often ineffective.<\/p>\n
Reading this book made me want to talk about something Harri mentions that I see around me. And to describe it I came up with a metaphor that speaks to me a lot. In the course of their lives, human beings build a cage for themselves, and I think that our well-being is linked to this ability to realize that this cage is entirely a figment of our imagination.<\/p>\n
I don't want to be sanctimonious in this article, and that's why I'm jumping in before I give lessons, by talking about myself.<\/p>\n
My cage<\/h3>\n
I myself was a victim of this during my last job: after a year I was unhappy. So instead of leaving or looking for new solutions, I started adding bars to my cage : \"only two years left, it's worth it\", \"this job is a privilege, I shouldn't complain\"<\/em>…
\nEach of these excuses - total bullshit<\/em> - was an additional bar that clouded my judgment. I remained unhappy and unconsciously sabotaged my life with thoughts that limited my field of possibilities.
\nAnd worst of all, I was being helped to build my cage. I was told: \"You should go on anyway, it's hard right now but it will get better later\". Even people who didn't know my situation.<\/p>\n
From a rational point of view, however, continuing was a bad bet: it was unlikely that my situation would improve. It's true: how many people have changed their attitude after 1 year and magically blossomed in their job?
\nOn the other hand, there are an infinite number of possible careers, so I might as well try my luck again (for the anecdote, I'm blossoming in my new job (but a result doesn't guarantee the validity of an approach)).<\/p>\n
Cages, cages everywhere<\/h3>\n
I've very often met people who seem entangled. They have had the same job\/spouse for a very long time, but don't realize that today they are suffering from it.
\nA 2012 survey<\/a>\u00a0survey about this struck my attention. It was conducted on millions of employees in 142 countries (by the Gallup Institute). According to this survey, only 13% of people give meaning to their work. And 20% don't like their work<\/strong>. Of course, not everyone has a choice in their work. But if we can, then we have to stop working in a job that doesn't make us happy.
\nPsychologist Brad Blanton talks about that, too. He has many patients who can't realize that their spouse is now the cause of their suffering. Even though they were in love 20 years ago.<\/p>\n
To be in a cage is to be in a deplorable situation - a source of anxiety and depression. And it's about doing everything you can to convince yourself that you can't get out of it.<\/p>\n
And to construct a cage, there is a multitude of bars.<\/p>\n
Bar 1: Money<\/h5>\n
The Buddhist philosopher Vishnu Krishnamurti said:  \"It is not a sign of good mental health to be well adapted to a sick society<\/em>\". Our society encourages us to build our own cage by pushing us to consumerism.<\/p>\n
Researcher Nathan Dungan has done some exciting work on the subject. He wanted to raise awareness among families in working-class neighbourhoods by asking them two questions. I invite you to ask these two questions as well.<\/p>\n